Forgiveness.. The Grace of Forgiveness

I had a chat a few days ago with a friend on this subject. It did not go well. It did not go well because of one point – the person did not feel that he/she had done anything wrong. Now, when I said that both sides in the issue he/she was involved in, had faults, the topic veered away. My point , however, was that Forgiveness was the key.

I do not believe that there is a stronger emotion / feeling that humans can express than Forgiveness. It is a Grace. It is very difficult to genuinely forgive. You need to stretch every sinew of your mental strength to genuinely forgive.

One among three of the strongest personalities I have read about, is Jesus Christ. I will talk about what is written about him as a Human in the King James version of the New Testament. What captivated me about Jesus was a seemingly contradictory narrative of his behaviour.

On one hand he was scathing at the hypocrisy of the Jewish Clergy and the rich Jews who espoused piety and virtue but were just the opposite of that in reality. One reads of how he stormed into the Temple at Jerusalem and chased out those who he believed were defiling the Holy place of worship . You also see how he literally mocks Peter when Peter tells him that he will never leave his side, come what may, by telling him that he will deny him thrice before the Cocks crows. He is also frustrated with his disciples, by their lack of faith. He contradicts himself at the Garden of Gethsemane, when he loses faith himself, albeit for a brief moment and questions the future course of actions. So, he was not a one dimensional person with just a kind attitude and one who would have just stood and showed his other cheek if he was struck on one.

Yet, this same person was willing to take all the cruel punishment and suffer the agony of insults and false accusations. He was abused, both mentally and physically and at all times he chose not to defend himself. Now, what kind of strength of character is required for a person, who was at that time merely a human, to have silently suffered at the hands of people who had no business to judge him. After all that, when he was nailed to a cross he ensured that his main prayer to his Father was that those who hurt him be forgiven for they did not know what they were doing.

With that he ensured that not a single person who wounded him either mentally or physically would have to suffer on his account. Now, you would say that Jesus was a God therefore he could afford to be benevolent. No, his father, Jehovah was not very benevolent in the Old Testament. He brought scourges on those who opposed him and damned them to eternal hell.

In more recent times we have seen how another strong personality, Nelson Mandela ,was able to transcend into a life of a statesman by his ability to forgive those who took twenty seven years of his life by imprisoning him and torturing him. Would Mandela have made a better impression on humanity if he had used his power to mete out revenge on those who had ill treated him and his people? I do not think so. The Reconciliation Committee/ Process was an amazing idea. In Rwanda, after the massacre of Tutsi tribes the country eventually overcame the bitterness of a genocide by reconciliation.

Now, on the other hand, I do not think the Israelis believed in passivity. They searched and traced and found almost every living perpetrator of the genocide against the Jews in WW II. I am not sure if that even brought peace to those who suffered. Maybe it did,, but the greater feeling of forgiveness was not reached in many cases.

In our day to day normal lives we are targeted so often by various people. False allegations, rumours, Chinese Whispers, office politics all hurt us. We find that ‘friends’ , acquaintances, close family – everyone does something that hurts and often destroys us. We feel let down and terrible. We start to get angry and then we seek revenge. That is when it gets tricky.

Revenge is when we get down to the same level as the person who has hurt us. It never ends well. I am not advocating that we should roll over and get beaten. No. I believe that we should fight to save ourselves and ensure that our safety and well being is preserved. I am not saying that office politics should be ignored – play the game but ensure that you do not do anything except to safeguard your position. When you have done that – stop.

Now, I have been told that we need to do our Dharma. Well, that is absolutely right. However, one must remember that Dharma should not be mistaken with Revenge. We must do what we have to in order to safeguard our dignity and our position.

If you look at the end of the great epic – The Mahabharat – you will find that the victors did not feel any joy. There was an all round sense of despondency at the tragic loss of human life. Eventually the ‘victors’ left their possessions and sought penance.

In our own lives, I can share my feeling. I have absolutely no relationship with anyone from my biological family. Virtually no relationship with my maternal or paternal cousins. I see that as a failure somewhere in the way I have run my life. However, the relationships and issues are complicated and I feel that I do not have the ability to sort anything anymore. Therefore, I am doing the best that I can and that is to start to forgive all those who have worked against me. If I feel I must compensate them in some way, as I know that I am not entirely blameless in all the conflicts, then that is what I will do.

In a few months I hope to reach the age of sixty. I do not want to wake up feeling bitter. So, I have stopped thinking of what happened and try and look forward to what can be done. I feel the sorrow of loneliness that comes when you do not share fruitful and positive relationships. The errors of my ways are clear in my head. I try hard to see that the reactions to my actions are seen as just that and not an attack on me. My aim for the rest of my life on this beautiful planet is to try and right the wrongs I have done, whether perceived or otherwise.

I do not want to hold grudges. In any case, I do not believe that I have ever gone down the path of revenge. I have always believed it is not for me. It is extremely difficult to forgive as it is an emotion that seeks to heal yourself. This is self healing. Of course I am not going to be a total pacifist but I am just working on trying to remove the poison in my head with the Grace of Forgiveness. I do not know if I will succeed but I can tell you this much – I do not hold any anger towards those who I feel have hurt me. I may not have forgiven them as yet but I have taken the first few steps by not thinking of what they have done, by blanking them and their actions out of my mind. I have started the process of forgiveness and that is a path I wish to walk on.

It is definitely not an easy task but I urge you to try it. I hope that I can pursue this and that you will have patience with me as i process this way of life. If, at the end of my life, it can be said that I did not knowingly harm anyone, I believe I have done my duty and my dharma. 



Do share your views on what I have written, in the comments section. Please critique, advise or communicate in any way you feel appropriate. Thank you.

Koshy Varghese - Under the name - Asgard Thor