Rambling…As Usual…

Making a point

For most of my life I insisted that I had to make my point while in a discussion, an argument or even a debate. Whatever happens, I had to make my point. If the argument went wrong when I made my point, I never believed it was my fault, at least on most occasions. If I was generous and felt it was my fault, I apologised. I used to think that the matter ended there.

It doesn’t often end there.

There is inbuilt resentment in the person who has lost the argument. It is worse if it is your own family.

So, I asked myself, what happens if I sit and listen to the other person and try and understand their view point and keep my points in abeyance? Is it so difficult? Especially when the person is someone you care for a lot. Do you always want to score points? Try it. It is initially difficult and often very tiring. However, it actually gives you a different perspective. It also makes you feel calm. No, it is not easy and no, do not be false. If something is very wrong then tell the other person what you feel so that they know you are listening and involved. Especially, if you feel it is important. So, it is very essential, to understand what is really important. Learn when to keep your point of view to yourself. Get what I mean?

Being the first to tell your side of the story..

One of the most difficult things for me is to complain about someone. It is a habit that I developed in school. I found out I was slow off the block, especially with my biological family, as I realised that there was this one relative, who always passed on his version of any incident as soon as possible to my mother. Post that, it was as if I was guilty, unless I could prove myself innocent. This despite being the youngest in the family.

This has happened many times at work as well. I always prefer to maintain confidence in any matter between a colleague, vendor or anyone and myself , despite many opportunities to be the first ‘complainer’. It was just not in me to rush around and tell the world about what happened.

Even when I know that something has been spoken about me, I have tried to avoid a rebuttal. However, stupidly, I got fed up and started to clarify matters with those who asked for my view point . I felt I had enough of being the ‘victim’. At that time I did not realise what a fool I was making of myself. The persons who heard ‘my side of the story’ were largely enjoying the stupid – ‘He/She Said, I said’ show.

Then the proverbial penny dropped. I realised two things. One – I was just talking too much and being a whinger. Two – Did it really matter to everyone what my side of the story was? Wasn’t I merely lying on my back and spitting upwards. All the muck fell back on my face. I decided to stop justifying my actions to all and sundry and I refused to clarify allegations, cleverly dropped at my doorstep, by someone just wanting to hear some good gossip.

Booze normally loosens ones tongue. That is when you need to be more than careful about defending yourself. Just smile and move on to topics of common interest and never try defending yourself. Learn this fact – you need to tell your side of the story first, ONLY, to those who matter to you and you need to defend yourself, again ONLY, with people who matter to you.

It doesn’t matter if someone got their point across first as life is not a Court of Law. Even in a Court of Law the first mover is not necessarily always the winner. Just sit back and do what you have to do. Ensure that your INTENT is right, that is the most important. Let people say what they want. Those who care for you will know you and treat you well.

The most difficult thing to do is to remain silent.

Being Judgemental :

This is possibly the worst thing that anyone can do. We often sit back and pass judgement on others as if we had an ‘all knowing’ wand of knowledge. What do we know about what people are going through at any given point in life.

Sometimes we see a person who doesn’t say a word in any gathering and we assume the person is shy or indifferent, worse still, arrogant. Mostly we have no clue as to what the person is going through. On the flip side we may see people who are the life of a party or who have a lot to say, joke or even laugh about. We think that the person is having a wonderful time in this phase of life. Do we really know their story?

This is why I left Social Media platforms like Facebook and never got into Instagram. While I was on Facebook and was going through a difficult period all I saw was pictures of my ‘friends’ who were having a blast all the time. Made me feel all kinds of negative emotions. I quit. I never realised till later, that most ‘happy pictures’ were a façade.

It is ideal if we can take a person and a situation for what it is. Do not overthink matters. Do not be judgemental. Do not judge a person by what she or he wears, or travels in or eats. Do not be judgemental. Period.

In reality, I feel, the more you can lead a simple life, the happier you will be. Make things as simple as possible. Do not over think a situation, do not overestimate a problem. Do not run around crying about your problems to all and sundry. Stop whinging. Stop complaining. Try smiling more. Try and do simple things. This morning, I did what I was told I shouldn’t try. I came down to the basement, started my bike, and went around the building on my bike, wearing a T Shirt, Shorts and no footwear. My mood lightened.