Growing old

What does this mean?

Grow old means to gradually age and advance in years over the course of a lifetime. It refers to the continuous, natural, and biological process of living long enough to reach an advanced stage of life, accompanied by physical, psychological, and social changes. 

That is what a dictionary said it is. It did not say a lot of the bull**!*, that we are conditioned to equate, to growing old. I turned 64 a fortnight ago. Big deal. While I am writing this, my wife and I are getting ready to go out, after a one hour physical training session at the gym, starting at 6.30 in the morning. She is supervising the grandchildren getting ready and has just made breakfast. I folded our washed clothes ( since our maid is on leave today)listening to 80’s rock and roll from Spotify on the TV . Both of us will be tired this evening but we did enough for a day that any youngster can do.

A few weeks ago, while listening to some of the repetitive poor jokes of the RJ’s of FM Radio in Bangalore, I heard a Real Estate advertisement for about the 5th time in a short while – A girl who was looking for a house to buy, found a lovely design where her/his/their parents could live in a quiet space, while her husband and kids had space to do so many things. I had heard enough of this. I asked the others in the car why on earth do young people think that us older folk want just peace and quiet? Dammit, I love my music loud ( not because I cannot hear ) but because I like it loud. If the producer of that advertisement was in front of me he/she would have heard why their line about older people needed changing.

Attitude

When I was on the phone inviting my first cousins to our daughter’s wedding, quite a few cried off, citing old age ailments. The ailments should not have stopped any of them from getting on some transport and travelling. That was when I told my wife – dammit it, if your sister has been able to manage a career for three decades with a congenital problem with a vital organ in her body, why do people moan about small physical ailments? A few of them attended though and I told them how much I appreciated their vigour.

A person , of my own vintage, once told me that the key to living with older senior citizens is to allow them to live a life that they want to live. If they have managed their lives with independence, then allow them to continue with that independence. Don’t make them appear like people who need to be put away in cotton wool. Don’t make their physical ailments appear to be greater than they accept, themselves. Give them ‘operational freedom’, even if they live with you.

Our bodies are aging but that does not mean that our minds are aging as fast. Senior citizens need to get continued doses of confidence, rather than caution. Remember how you taught your children to do things. You did not caution them that they may fall off a cycle, you gave them confidence to ride and told them that falling was possible but okay, you would help them get up, if they fell.

Speed

I realised a while ago that I drive slow sometimes. This is especially in town. No doubt Bangalore does not give you the breathing space to move fast but I certainly feel I have slowed down. I then realised it was only when the travel time was not important and that I had no schedule to keep, that I drove slower. Why rush? In my younger days I felt the need to move fast always. On the highways I still drive reasonably fast but the average speed has come down, unless I had a deadline to meet. About six months ago I showed my younger girl that her Dad had it in him to get her to our house on time to start a meeting, by driving like autos do – fast and with little concern for anyone else.

I don’t read my novels as fast as I used to, in my younger days. While I could easily read 2 books a week, I am now happy with about a book and a half a month. I often fall asleep when I am reading a novel and that slows me down. Big deal. The fact that I can still read is what makes me happy.

Names and memory

https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/forgetfulness-7-types-of-normal-memory-problems

I thought this is an excellent explanation of what one experiences as one ages. I have often been castigated for not remembering names and relationships. God knows I have tried hard to remember names. Not for a lack of trying, but it is something about which I have no explanation . As far as relationships are concerned, I have never cared much of the connectivity if I enjoy the company of the person. If I do not have the interest, I do not seek to remember the relationship or the connectivity. What is wrong in that? I know many older people who are brilliant about connections – I am often gobsmacked at how they sync up, how they remember relationships.

A thought crossed my mind just as I write – I remember numbers in a sequence I am comfortable with. For example – the number 9980044097 – I say nine nine eight hundred double four zero nine seven. Complicated, but my way. If the same number was read out to me as Ninety nine eighty zero four four zero nine seven, it will possible confuse me. Maybe patterns matter.

The other day, on Twitter, I shocked the sender of a message by identifying a cricketer who was a peripheral player almost forty five years ago. A lot older cricket is imprinted in my mind. Maybe because cricket was so important to me. Today there is too much of crappy cricket that I do not concentrate on the games too much – yet, test cricket still holds my attention.

When I forget a name I often ask the person to remind me and apologise for forgetting. That is my way. Many senior citizens have their ways to handle moments – others must learn to accept it and embrace it as a part of a way of life.

Doctors suggest that you do crosswords or play mental games to keep your mind fresh. I agree completely. It is important to keep your mind as sharp as it can be.

Physical activity

I believe a lot of our inabilities to carry out various functions ( other than those prohibited by medical advise) is due to mental conditioning. Obviously, if one reaches a physical condition where one is advised a passive lifestyle, one needs to be mindful. Else, we must try and walk, do exercises under supervision and try and do whatever we were doing at a younger age. Do not allow your body to stop being able to walk, jog a bit, stretch and lift weights, if it can.

Some exercises may hurt you a bit while you do it but unless you have been expressly told to stop even at the slightest sign of pain, you need to accept pain as you did when you were young. How many of us who played some sport or the other, when young, did not hurt when playing or training. That goes with the territory. Do as much as you can. Just don’t give up without trying. Don’t allow yourself latitude to become physically lazy.

Appearances

My wife always spoke about aging gracefully. I cannot agree more with her. It’s very important. I used to wonder how older people still got excited at seeing someone they liked, from the opposite sex ( or same sex), when they were younger. It’s only when I crossed into senior citizen status I realised that, in our minds eye, the person facing you is exactly how you knew him or her, when you were young. The wrinkles, the sag, the stomach bulge, the bald head – nothing matters. Of course, there are some who will make those half their age gape even as a Senior Citizen – they have just been blessed with a fantastic physical persona. Just be grateful for what nature has given you, is my motto.

As one gets older one often replaces ardour with friendship. In my case, I have enjoyed that transition. If you think that you have lost one kind of passion, don’t worry, it manifests itself in friendship and affection.

Companionship

This blog is longer than normal. However, I felt that this part is very important. When we get older we enjoy companionship with our partners, family and friends. My wife doesn’t say much, I make up for both of us. However, I enjoy just sitting with her while we drive or watch a movie or spend time as I do not have to pretend to be anyone I am not. I enjoy the same comfort with friends as we do not have to pretend to be dudes anymore.

What saddens me is how the younger lot often say hello and move to those their age or younger leaving us older people feeling useless. I really enjoy the little time that I get to spend with my daughter’s friends. Their enthusiasm and zest perks me up. I love sharing stuff that I have experienced, if they show that they would like to hear me say what I have to. An evening or an afternoon spent with the younger lot can be equal to a shot of dopamine.

The thrust of what I wanted to convey is that we, who are designated Senior Citizens, should not allow growing old to hamper our style. This is what brought us so far, so, the methods we adopted were not all wrong. Listen to music you love, debate, shout if required, walk and exercise, we are not burnt out – just well done.

Thor was my favourite hero when I was a kid – hence, I use his name while writing – Koshy Varghese aka Sunny.